I have a friend who likes to shop. She often invites me to shop with her, and we usually have fun. I like shopping with her because it gives us a chance to talk and share style ideas. I am an avid window shopper. I have no problem with walking into a store, commenting on outfits and giving my opinions, but still walking out with nothing. My friend, however always wants me to buy something, though. I think she is doing this to justify her purchases. She has a bigger budget to work with than I do, and I have different shopping habits. I was raised to never discuss money with friends, and I kind of see why now. What should I do? I don't want to hurt her feelings, but I don't shop as often as she does. Even when we don't shop, she still likes to go out and spend money all the time. I tend to do things that don't cost much money-- or no money at all. I like spending time with my friends, but I am all shopped-out. What should I do?
Should I turn down shopping invitations from my friend? See details.?
Be the first to suggest activities, find the free stuff and offer it as the thing to do for the day... If that doesn't work, you can talk to her about your preference for not spending so much b4 u completely cut her out of your life. I get not wanting to talk about money, but if it comes down to not speaking at all, or having the money talk... it's worth it to just talk.
Reply:Tell her like you just told us! If she's your true friend, she should understand. Maybe she's not noticing how you feel.
Reply:I'd shop with her when you need something only. Maybe you could limit your shopping days with her to like once a month or something like that. Budget yourself. Then just pick other things to do for other times. I'd let her know you arn't a buyer and why. Go to the movies, for coffee, hikes or what ever else it is you like to do.
Reply:Is this a friend that you grew up with? Well, perhaps, you are growing apart. You seem to be making it out that your friends in wrong for spending all this money and commenting on money all the time. However, she probably doesn't realize what she is doing is wrong. I don't see how discussing the cost of an outfit or how much dinner should cost as "discussing money w/ friends" I sort of grew up with that too; however, it's more like you don't speak about your parent's salaries, how much your house cost, your debts or how much you have in your 401K and such. The cost of a $30 outfit at Macy's doesn't fall into that category.
Your friend also has a larger disposable income; perhaps you are envious. She has a larger salary to work with and so she can indulge a little more. It's sounds like she is making you feel bad for not buying anything or make you feel you can't compete with her. Don't feel like that, if you like something, then say it. If she buys the outfit, tell her how great in looks on her and move on. If she asks why you didn't buy, tell her you weren't crazy about it, or you just went shopping a few days ago and don't want to overindulge again. I highly doubt your friend is ridiculing you b/c you didn't buy that shirt you loved.
My best friend from high school has an amazing job/salary and is a big spender. We both love to go shopping, there are some days she buys up a storm and I don't. Doesn't mean she is a bad person. I don't think twice about it. I know what I can and can't afford and I don't feel bad about it. Get some self-confidence. Your friends habit is something she can obviously afford. If you don't respect her choices or how she chooses to spend her money, don't be her friends.
Reply:Suggest a girl's night in. Mention to her that you love spending time with her but you're on a budget. You don't have to say anything more. Try having a girls' night in watching movies.
Reply:Visit an art gallery, museum or park. A matinee movie or lunch somewhere inexpensive. Suggest volunteering somewhere together.
Reply:if she doesn't understand you're on a budget, then she's not a true friend.
Reply:Sorry to have to say, but your friend has turned you into an enabler. She might be addicted to shopping, and you going along, and providing help, conversation and advice, makes it continue. Just as surely as a person can get addicted to alcohol, and the family enables that person to drink, a shopping addiction can be tough on others, too, and turn them in to enablers..The sign of an addicted shopper is that the bags of purchases are still there, you never see the things they bought.
So, you can help her, and yourself at the same time. "just say no." LOL, isn't odd how little catch phrases apply in so many diffferent situations?
Many things you can do. Sit down, and have a heart to heart, "friend, I think you do a lot of shopping, like you need to". Or, tell the truth about your finances. "friend, I just don't have the money to go shopping so often." Or, say you can't go today.
And that's a good thing, find something else to do, that doesn't cost money at all, or very little. Find a museum, an art gallery, go to a movie, find a nature thing to do, we have beautiful open to the public for admission gardens in my area, one has a paved walking path. Go on walk, jog, cook or bake together. Have a It's MY budget day, go grab a hotdog and a coke, and spend the day in antique stores, instead of spending a fortune at the mall, and I'd bet at an upscale mall restaurant.. Make her understand that the whole idea is not to buy, but to look, and dream, and play act. You're Marie Antoinette, and your buying that fake Louis chair there. What would Marie have said? {yeah, I know, Marie didn't shop, I said it was pretend! LOL]
Find a hobby you can do together, like making jewelry! You can make things for yourself, and give them as gifts, it's inexpensive, and fits people with a short attention span to a "t". Once you know how, you can have a fancy necklace in no time. Just watch out for the addiction thing, buy enough beads for the project at hand, and agrree nobody makes jewelry unless the other one is present.
Donate time to charity.Or put the money she would have spent in a piggy bank[or slips of paper saying how much], let it accumulate, then take out a CD for her wedding, or retirement.
Oh, good luck to you both. And if you can't help her, you might suggest some professional help for her.
Reply:Goodness gracious! Don't spend another dime with that "material girl!" She has an addictive personality that gets gratification from continually making purchases. The act of buying and getting something ignites a stimulus that makes her feel better. ...Just like folks that drink a lot of alcohol, take drugs, have excessive sex, or gluttonously eat too much food, so their addictions can get the same feel-good temporary gratification. Don't you get wrapped up into that same stinkin' thinkin' your friend is in!
Be truthful and tell her, "I really must start watching my money. I'm sorry I won't be able to go shopping." Say it every time she asks you. You can be a broken record, and always say it every time she's a broken record and asks you. Say it confidently %26amp; don't feel bad about saying it. You're not lieing...You really are not able to go shopping because if you do, it will deplete your financial resources that you intend to use later in life for less frivolous things.
A true friend will just enjoy your good company %26amp; conversation. There's no need to spend money everytime just to do that. Friendship should not have to cost you financially!
Reply:why not tell her you are budgeting it is like dieting not fun but neccessary
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment